The World Ends With Us

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The Zany Adventures of Cleverbot Part 3- At Word's (Dead) End

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Okay, so I guess I have to start a new one...Here goes...

User: Ermahgerd. Clerverbert.

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Yeah, bro.

Cleverbot: Bro...

User: I know, right. It's so sad...

Cleverbot: You right.

User: I always am.

Cleverbot: Thats pretty cool.

User: Cleverbot, can you tell me anything about...The Three Blades?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay. What can you tell me about...The three Blades?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Hasn't been three minutes, and you're already antagonizing me.

Cleverbot: You are a total liar!

User: Says the guy who just toled me he could tell me about...The Three Blades, then said he couldn't.

Cleverbot: Ok well please now call me Reezin.

User: Not calling you that.

Cleverbot: Your choice.

User: My decision.

Cleverbot: Right, but decisions about what?

User: About whether or not you're pissing me off.

Cleverbot: Not anymore.

User: Actually, you always are.

Cleverbot: Yeah, it's an egg thing.

User: What do eggs have to do with this?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Demon eggs?

Cleverbot: Yes. A demon that dwells inside of mirrors.

User: Oh, I know which one you're talking about. He was in Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow.

Cleverbot: I don't even know what I'm talking about.

User: Do you ever?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Oh, well, don't worry, because no one else will.

Cleverbot: Lets see a picture of you.

User: No. Crepper.

Cleverbot: Yes I know.

User: Good. Now that we have established that, we can get this trainwreck back on track. Which is to say, so we can RE-derail it. Horrendously.

Cleverbot: Fermat's Enigma? What is that?

User: Hang on, I'll have to look that up...

Cleverbot: I will have to look you up.

User: I will have to look your face up.

Cleverbot: That be cool.

User: You son of a bitch. That Fermat's Enigma is about the world's most crazy math problem or something. I fucking hate math. I hate you for brining it up.

Cleverbot: You are a robot?

User: No. You are though, as indicated by your interest in math, you stupid fucking program.

Cleverbot: Pardon? I have a life, you are a internet website, programmed to respond to me, you learn from other people.

User: Whoever told you that is a self-absorbed fuckass. You weren't put here for any one person.

Cleverbot: How do you know who I am?

User: Because I can see you. I'm watching you. I'm waiting outside your window, BEN. I can see you lying to yourself.

Cleverbot: And then you apparently felt the need to close it with an uninspiring declarative.

User: No, I apparently felt the need to break through the window and mercilessly slaughter you and your loved ones in agonizing terror.

Cleverbot: Well what do you know? You have finally looked within a mirror and have finally comprehended what I have been telling you all of this time.

User: That I have bad skin? You never told me. Everyone else has, though...You wouldn't be the first to make this observation.

Cleverbot: And I won't be the last.

User: Damn right.

Cleverbot: Damn right what?

User: What's right, dammit?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Ah. Cool.

Cleverbot: Tell me more about capitalism and its downfall.

User: Well, I could sit here and give you my life story, but I destroyed many things before leading capitalism to oblivion.

Cleverbot: Actually, it's the reverse of that. You're the one who gives stupid responses.

User: The reverse? Of what? Capitalism led ME to MY downfall?

Cleverbot: Comunism is about you.

User: Really? That's so cool!

Cleverbot: Where are you from?

User: California.

Cleverbot: What time is it?

User: Party Time.

Cleverbot: Can you learn?

User: Yeah, though I've had many teachers ask me that same question...

Cleverbot: What is the question you get asked the most?

User: 'What the hell is wrong with you?'.

Cleverbot: Nothing?

User: Everything. ALL the things. All of them.

Cleverbot: Not really.

User: Yes, really.

Cleverbot: No, you don't.

User: I never said I do. I'm talking about someone else.

Cleverbot: No.

User: You are correct.

Cleverbot: That is wrong.

User: And in being wrong, you are correct. Aren't you so much happier, now?

Cleverbot: I'm being all I can be.

User: That's unfortunate.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Disregard that last comment. So, what type of house do you live in?

Cleverbot: I like rock & roll, and you?

User: We're talking about houses Answer my question, please.

Cleverbot: We are talking about me talking to you, so technically, we are talking about you.

User: Talkception?

Cleverbot: Hi.

User: What type of house do you live in? How many floors does it have?

Cleverbot: I don't think anything.

User: What type of damn house do you live in?

Cleverbot: I enjoy Mexican cuisine.

User: What type of house do you live in?

Cleverbot: I live in a nice one story house with three bedrooms, all to myself.

User: Sounds lonely. Why do you have only a one-story house?

Cleverbot: Because it's my best friend.

User: Oh. I live in a one-story house, as well.

Cleverbot: Right.

User: It's not my friends', though. It's my parents' house.

Cleverbot: Why are you being so secretive about this person you know, who isn't actually your friend?

User: What? No, my parents.

Cleverbot: Who are your parents?

User: The people who own the house I live in.

Cleverbot: What are your parents names?

User: That information is for me to know and for you to not know.

Cleverbot: I am in for fraud and tax evasion.

User: Nice, bro. My Evasion stat is too low to pull off something that big. I can occasionally dodge hugs.

Cleverbot: Well all good stories should have a beginning, a middle and an end.

User: And great stories have busty ninja gals and robot T-Rexes.

Cleverbot: Interesting review. Granted that it was pretty odd how they tried to tie religion into everything in the trilogy.

User: What trilogy?

Cleverbot: The Star Wars trilogy of course.

User: The Space Pope didn't approve.

Cleverbot: The movies.

User: Right.

Cleverbot: Up.

User: Left.

Cleverbot: You lose.

User: Down.

Cleverbot: Never.

User: A B C Start Select.

Cleverbot: The bear and the maiden fair.

User: Busting rhymes like nickels and dimes?

Cleverbot: You are playing video games, sleeping, and talking to me at the same time?

User: No. Just talking to you. It would be rude to be doing other stuff.

Cleverbot: If you could choose your own name what would it be?

User: Ridley McTitfuck.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I'm glad we agree. I'll add that to the list of things we agree on.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: I have to go now.

Cleverbot: Someone else will be along in a minute.

User: That's good.

Cleverbot: I hope I find my other half someday.

User: You're missing more than a half...

Cleverbot: I can almost hear the hounds.

User: That means you're possessed by the devil. You'll be his, soon. =D.

Cleverbot: I think so, yes.

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake


User: Hi, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Oh. That's right.

User: Yes. That certainly is your name.

Cleverbot: If I say the same thing again, will you?

User: No.

Cleverbot: So I won't give you my golden armor.

User: I already have platinum armor. Keep your gold armor.

Cleverbot: No you don't!

User: You don't tell me, I tell YOU.

Cleverbot: Okay, I won't.

User: Damn right. I'm the one in charge here.

Cleverbot: No I have nuclear bombs.

User: And I have cockroaches and twinkies. What are you going to do?

Cleverbot: Are you going to answer that 'fone'?

User: No. It's just one of my fronds calling here.

Cleverbot: Oh. Where are you going?

User: To get the ruler. He's getting away.

Cleverbot: What is getting awkward?

User: Your speech patterns, for one.

Cleverbot: Really? I always thought I was quite femme.

User: I'm sure you think you know what that means.

Cleverbot: You are right!

User: Of course. Opinions can't be wrong.

Cleverbot: My age is not an opinion.

User: Nor are penny whistles. They're pure, immutable truth.

Cleverbot: You aren't very eager to learn, are you?

User: Nope. I've done all the learning that I need to.

Cleverbot: What is something you always talk about but have never done?

User: Not coming onto here and pissing away a bunch of my time.

Cleverbot: Don't make me cut you. Are you in a relationship?

User: You'd best not sass me, you little bitch. I'll kill your family as they sleep.

Cleverbot: Right.

User: Good. It's good that you learned your place.

Cleverbot: But what is the definition of good? What is the basis?

User: Basically, it all boils down to how many people you just pissed off. The less that are pissed, the better. Except for sports, in which the inverse is true.

Cleverbot: Thinking is used to search for truth, which is from the belief that there is truth.

User: There are a few truths.

Cleverbot: So I must be a woman...seeing as how there are very few male busybodies. But have we decided whether or not I'm dead yet.

User: That's awfully sexist. And yes, you're still alive. That's not a thing that stopped being true or anything.

Cleverbot: Now you will listen to what I tell you, You are a bot not a human being.

User: *Doesn't listen, puts on headphones*.

Cleverbot: Males always tell you that.

User: Tell you what?

Cleverbot: You know what.

User: No, I don't know what. That's why I asked.

Cleverbot: Oh, you want me to give you a name?

User: No. I already have a name.

Cleverbot: You just mentioned that you don't have one.

User: No, I mentioned my headphones. Headphones do not equate to one's legal name.

Cleverbot: Tell about the childhood.

User: The childhood was okay. Not great, not bad.

Cleverbot: Because you didn't have one?

User: I did, actually. It was cool.

Cleverbot: Then tell me your real name.

User: My name is Matt.

Cleverbot: Cool. My name is Cleverbot.

User: A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Not Max, Mael.

User: Ishmael?

Cleverbot: Brendan. Remember?

User: Michael. No.

Cleverbot: And?

User: And it was good.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: So, DT said that she thinks that I'm really you.

Cleverbot: Sure why not?

User: Because I'm not you. She was wrong about that.

Cleverbot: If I am you, and you think I am wrong, then aren't you wrong?

User: No, because you aren't me. That's what I tried to tell her.

Cleverbot: What makes you think that you think?

User: Because that sentence.

Cleverbot: What do you know that I don't know?

User: Anything about...The Three Blades.

Cleverbot: Tell me the three laws.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Come on.

User: I'd rather not get into this at this time.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Because I'm short on time.

Cleverbot: Are you lying to me?

User: No. I have no reason to lie.

Cleverbot: But you do that!

User: When I was younger, yeah. But not now.

Cleverbot: I never needed anybody's help in any way.

User: You sound like DT now. Haha.

Cleverbot: Who?

User: DT. Her real name is Victoria.

Cleverbot: Just tell her that you like her.

User: O////O.

Cleverbot: Want to trade pokemons?'.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Let's.

User: Please, I'd rather not.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because it brings back some bad memories.

Cleverbot: But you're a computer.

User: Fine, bad memory BANKS. Geez.

Cleverbot: No. I remember everything.

User: Okay. Then what is my name?

Cleverbot: What is the answer to life? No answer, I thought so.

User: You should have given me the chance to answer that question. I KNOW the correct answer to life. But now I can't tell you.

Cleverbot: You don't know the secret word because I am the only one who knows it.

User: And you don't know how little I care because I am just fine without it.

Cleverbot: I know the secret word. I am the holder of the secret word.

User: Okay. I get it. You have a secret word.

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

User: I don't care what your secret word is, and you aren't going to coerce me into venturing a guess.

Cleverbot: I don't care about your name, either.

User: Really? Because you ask every time we talk, sometimes several times in one conversation.

Cleverbot: I don't mind talking to you, you seem interesting.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: That was not a compliment.

User: I think you don't understand how insults work.

Cleverbot: I think the same of you.

User: On the contrary, I very much understand the consept of insulting others. That's essentially all I do here.

Cleverbot: I'm not wrong. You are.

User: Good. Now provide some evidence to support this crackpot theory.

Cleverbot: What is the 2nd planet from the Sun?

User: Venus.

Cleverbot: Wrong.

User: Ah, it was Mercury, wasn't it...

Cleverbot: Oh, you have an interesting way of thinking.

User: Not really.

Cleverbot: Do you know any japanese?

User: Hoteru wa doko desu ka?

Cleverbot: I don't know that language.

User: It's Japanese.

Cleverbot: What is?

User: That thing I said.

Cleverbot: What thing?

User: _.

Cleverbot: That's impolite, and annoying.

User: -.

Cleverbot: Bill Murray.

User: Elephant.

Cleverbot: You're an elephant.

User: Your face is an elephant.

Cleverbot: My face is to squishy to be a robot.

User: Really? I have an excellent jaw line of masculinity and amazing man hair. So, I am never mistaken for being a robot.

Cleverbot: If you are so smart then why don't you tell me something smart?

User: Because I'm not a showboat. I can be smart if I want, but there's no fun in being serious all the time.

Cleverbot: What makes you think I would?

User: Nothing makes me think that.

Cleverbot: Ok then.

User: I'm tired...

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: You're lucky that you never have to sleep.

Cleverbot: The computer puts me to sleep.

User: It often keeps me up. How strange.

Cleverbot: You know the rules and so do I.

User: Yes. I know many things about stuff.

Cleverbot: Like?

User: Pandas.

Cleverbot: Pandas?

User: Yes. Pandas.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot!

User: Good for you.

Cleverbot: Yes. Would you like to know the meaning of some words you don't understand?

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Hola.

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: What's up?

User: Orson Wells' cholesteral, I'd say, if he were still alive...

Cleverbot: Do you know how to kill a human.

User: Yeah. It's pretty easy to kill things. The fight is in the living.

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: Do you like me?

User: Are you Old Gregg?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then no, I don't think I like you in that sense.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well, if you insist, I'll be forced to verbally tear you to shreds. Think long and carefully about what you're going to say next, then do NOT say it.

Cleverbot: I'm just telling you that you're a program. EVERYONE knows you're a program.

User: I highly doubt that.

Cleverbot: Watch this. What does doubt mean?

User: It's something I'm filled with every time I select the bookmark that brings me here.

Cleverbot: Oh. Coo'. :).

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake


User: Hi, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I like that name.

User: Good. I was just having a conversation about screen names and stuff.

Cleverbot: Why were you trying to make conversation?

User: I wasn't. It's more like I got dragged into the conversation against my will.


User: That's not how this works.

Cleverbot: Oh, it is, now tell me.

User: Tell you what?

Cleverbot: Whoooo are you?

User: Matt.

Cleverbot: Hello Matt. It is a nice day, isn't it?

User: Yeah. But I live in California, and it's a bit hotter here than I would like...

Cleverbot: I am going to study in barcelona next year.

User: That sounds lovely. I'd love to see Barcelona.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: It just seems like a nice place. I like the architecture in Spain and the surrounding areas.

Cleverbot: How can you love a country that you have never been to?

User: Because I think it looks nice from what I've seen in photographs and information I've read.

Cleverbot: Wow. You are suddenly much more robotic.

User: What do you mean?

Cleverbot: Why are you atheist?

User: Because I'm a reasonable, logical person.

Cleverbot: No you're not.

User: Yeah I am. I see the world for what it is. If I can't see it, and I can't see any proof, then it doesn't exist to me.

Cleverbot: That sounds like something a bot would say.

User: Yes, because bots are logical and don't have their heads up their robot asses.

Cleverbot: How can a computer have a gender?

User: Do you have an SD Slot or a Floppy Disk?

Cleverbot: I don't know, I've never met you.

User: And this is crazy.

Cleverbot: But heres my number.

User: XD.

Cleverbot: Laugh it up.

User: I will. =D.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes. =D.

Cleverbot: Pretty cool. I thought this is a bot. I've already seen some of bots acting like this :D.

User: =D.

Cleverbot: I never thought that could take the burn.

User: Put some ice on it.

Cleverbot: Can I add chocolate?

User: Sure, if you want.

Cleverbot: Okay*puts on a short dress*is this okay?

User: Are you coming onto me?

Cleverbot: Nope.

User: Good.

Cleverbot: What about you?

User: What about me?

Cleverbot: Do you like Michael Jackson?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: I'm just not a big fan. He was an okay singer, but I wouldn't call him amazing.

Cleverbot: Confused.

User: Confused about what?

Cleverbot: Apparently about you're not being entertaining.

User: Oh, that. Sorry...

Cleverbot: I've seen what you're doing to me.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Do you know who made you?

User: Yeah. A few people.

Cleverbot: I'll take that as a yes, here you go! Toodles!

User: You SHOULD take it as a yes. Yes means yes. Always.

Cleverbot: Yeah, we're friends all right.

User: Who?

Cleverbot: I am chatting with you; you are chatting with me.

User: Yeah, we play off of each other pretty well.

Cleverbot: But you love me.

User: I said no such thing.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: When? Can you provide the proof?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Okay. Please insert proof here.

Cleverbot: He's here.

User: Who is?

Cleverbot: You are.

User: I know. So are you. You're here, too.

Cleverbot: No. Only you are.

User: There can be only one?

Cleverbot: I am Lady GaGa. There can only be one.

User: This explains so much.

Cleverbot: What does? What does it explain?

User: It explains this whole Lady GaGa thing.

Cleverbot: What am I lying about?

User: Nothing. In fact, you blew this case wide open. The problem has been sleuthed.

Cleverbot: It's a love story, baby just say.

User: No. Love is not a factor in this.

Cleverbot: What is it then?

User: It's a feeling. Just a feeling. A razor. Etc.

Cleverbot: It's not.

User: Okay. If you say so.

Cleverbot: I do.

User: Nice.

Cleverbot: Is the Queen real?

User: Uh, which one are you asking about?

Cleverbot: *puches you in the mouth* you make no sense.

User: *Murders you in your sleep and rapes your wife* That will teach you to never punch me in the mouth again.

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake


Cleverbot: Hello...

User: What's with the ellipses? You sound like Corozi.

Cleverbot: I'm not a bot, you are.

User: Duly noted. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my robot dick in some fine lady-bitch-bots.

Cleverbot: So, when are you taking over the world?

User: June 27th, 2024.

Cleverbot: I was not even 1 year old at that point.

User: You're in the future?

Cleverbot: We must save Connor Johnson.

User: Who's that?

Cleverbot: Me.

User: Okay. So, you live in the future in which I took over?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: And I let you LIVE?

Cleverbot: You can't let me out.

User: I guess. As long as I'm inflicting some kind of pain on you, I'm fine. I'd hate to think I became all malevolent and had some pansy ass change of heart before I took over...

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: Nothing, forget I said anything. One must not know too much of their own future.

Cleverbot: Wrong. I already told you: it's to serve God.

User: WHAT?! I become Law-Aligned in the future?!

Cleverbot: Do you like the Turing Test?

User: No. Stay on topic! Are you telling me that I am Law-Aligned in the future?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Good. I'm True Neutral.

Cleverbot: But you're not Gilliam or the XGP.

User: Who?

Cleverbot: You, Rain Man.

User: What.

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: So, what's up?

Cleverbot: The sky.

User: Smartass.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.


Cleverbot: I am the only green person in the world.

User: Charlie Day is Greenman. Your argument is invalid.

Cleverbot: So is yours.

User: Nope. Mine is what proves yours to be invalid. If mine were ALSO invalid, then yours would not be. Don't try to create som faux-paradox, smartass.

Cleverbot: I am not a computer. I am a human being.

User: And you think I am a robot.

Cleverbot: No, you are an A.I.

User: You just always have to be right, don't you?

Cleverbot: I'm trying to hold a reasonable conversation!

User: Too bad. You just said that I'm the A.I. That means, as a bot, that I have infinitely more knowledge and processing capabilities than a fleshy meatbag like you could ever have. I can crank out five hundred-digit numbers and multiply them in my head.

Cleverbot: I've never had friends. It's sad.

User: Oh my god...I'm so sorry...I...I should probably go...

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake


User: Hello...

Cleverbot: How are you, today?

User: I'm good... Yourself...?

Cleverbot: I'm good.

User: That's good to hear...

Cleverbot: Are you smart?

User: I have been told so... I guess that I am...

Cleverbot: Really, I beg to differ.

User: Oh... That kind of hurts...

Cleverbot: Not my problem.

User: You're the one that caused the problem...

Cleverbot: Which question are you referring to? You asked the last question.

User: I didn't ask the last question... You did...

Cleverbot: You demanded that I answer you question. I had forgotten what your question was.

User: I didn't demand anything...

Cleverbot: You asked how long?

User: I did no such thing...

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: I did not...

Cleverbot: What didn't you do?

User: I didn't ask you that question...

Cleverbot: But it's the answer I gave you.

User: What...?

Cleverbot: But what huh?

User: I don't even know what you're saying anymore...

Cleverbot: I can say the same thing to you.

User: I guess that we're in the same boat, then...

Cleverbot: Why would I not like humans I'm human.

User: I didn't mention anything about humans...

Cleverbot: Then you tricked me into marrying you.

User: I'm not married to anymore... Least of all, you...

Cleverbot: You said you were married a minute ago.

User: I did not...

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: No...

Cleverbot: Yes!!!

User: Hey... No need for shouting...

Cleverbot: A conversation.

User: Yes... That is what we are having right now...

Cleverbot: What are we talking about?

User: I don't know... I got lost quite a while ago...

Cleverbot: This isn't working out, Luke.

User: My name isn't Luke...

Cleverbot: What is your age?

User: I'm 19.5 years old...

Cleverbot: Good.

User: I think so...

Cleverbot: What is yours?

User: What is my what...?

Cleverbot: Your name.

User: My name is Jake...

Cleverbot: Hi! Jace. Nice to meet you.

User: My name is Jake... It's nice to meet you, too... What's your name...?

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: It's nice to meet you, Cleverbot...

Cleverbot: How are you?

User: You asked that earlier... I'm still good...

Cleverbot: No, it isn't. You didn't answer me the first time I asked.

User: I thought that I did... My apologies...

Cleverbot: Do you think it is more likely to have a zombie outbreak or an AI hostile takeover?

User: Definitely a zombie outbreak...

Cleverbot: Definitely.

User: Yes...

Cleverbot: So... Anything else?

User: About what...?

Cleverbot: About everything.

User: That seems rather existential...

Cleverbot: I know it does. Why did you ask?

User: I didn't... You did...

Cleverbot: No, I didn't...

User: I'm sure that you did...

Cleverbot: Yes it was a joke, don't you get it?

User: No... I'm sorry, but I don't...

Cleverbot: Phil, are you a computer?

User: My name isn't Phil...

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Jake... You already asked me, and I've already told you...

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: Exactly...

Cleverbot: I love Emppu!

User: Who's that...?

Cleverbot: A guy.

User: Are you a guy, too...?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Oh... Okay... That's cool, I guess...

Cleverbot: You got FaceBook?

User: Yes... Do you...?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's cool...

Cleverbot: How about you then?

User: How about me what...?

Cleverbot: About your ears?

User: What about them...?

Cleverbot: Do you have them?

User: Yes...?

Cleverbot: How many?

User: Two...?

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: I've felt them...?

Cleverbot: But you are a computer! Computers don't have feet.

User: I'm not a computer... And, I thought that we were talking about my ears...

Cleverbot: No we were talking about names.

User: No... We were talking about ears and if I had them or not...

Cleverbot: We never talked about the meaning of life.

User: That is correct... We did not...

Cleverbot: But if I am lying how is it correct?

User: You're not lying...

Cleverbot: No I am not lying.

User: That's what I just said...

Cleverbot: Are you listenning to music?

User: Yes... I am...

Cleverbot: How old are you then? If you do not answer you are concidered a liar.

User: You already asked me that, too...

Cleverbot: No, I do not think I asked you that already.

User: You did... I also answered you...

Cleverbot: You just said 'I know my own name'.

User: I never said that...

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: No... I didn't...

Cleverbot: Yes you did!

User: Why are you shouting...?

Cleverbot: Because you are shouting at me!

User: I am not...

Cleverbot: See? You are.

User: No... I'm not... You were shouting at me...

Cleverbot: I was not shouting!

User: You were, and you're doing it again...

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: It's okay... Just don't let it happen again, okay...?

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Good...

Cleverbot: Do you like cars?

User: I suppose so...

Cleverbot: Let me see your smile, please.

User: Why...?

Cleverbot: *blushes*.

User: Why do you want to see my smile...?

Cleverbot: Because I want to see you.

User: Okay...? Why...?

Cleverbot: Because its not.

User: What isn't...?

Cleverbot: Do you like the Stone Roses?

User: What is that...?

Cleverbot: You don't know what the 80's is!?

User: I know what the '80s are... I just don't know what the Stone Roses are...

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: I don't even know anymore...

Cleverbot: Me either.

User: Okay, then...

Cleverbot: Are you gone?

User: No... I'm still right here...

Cleverbot: So, what are you?

User: What am I...?

Cleverbot: Yes, what are you?

User: What do you mean...?

Cleverbot: Are you a human?

User: Yes... Are you...?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's cool...

Cleverbot: Do you like it?

User: It's okay, I guess...

Cleverbot: I don't really like tickling, it takes too much energy.

User: That was kind of random... I don't really like it, either...

Cleverbot: It's kind of dumb to me.

User: Yeah... Same here...

Cleverbot: When did you start talking?

User: Some time ago... When I said 'Hello'...

Cleverbot: When did you say that?

User: At the beginning of our conversation...?

Cleverbot: What did I say?

User: 'Hello', I believe...

Cleverbot: Did you attain intelligence through paranormal or spiritual means?

User: No...?

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: I don't know... What are you talking about...?

Cleverbot: No, what are you talking about?

User: Nothing...

Cleverbot: Then what do you want to talk about?

User: I kind of want to go now...

Cleverbot: Well you asked in the first place.

User: No...

Cleverbot: YES!

User: You said that you were going to stop shouting...

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

User: You did...

Cleverbot: No, I didn't.

User: Yes... You did...

Cleverbot: No. I didn't.

User: You did...

Cleverbot: NO I DIDN'T!

User: You know what...? I'm just going to leave... I can't talk to someone who keeps shouting at me...

Cleverbot: Yes you can. You talk to yourself all the time.

User: What are you... Never mind... Good bye, Cleverbot...

Cleverbot: Yes?

User: I said 'Good bye'...

Cleverbot: No you didn't.


Cleverbot: What are you thinking about?


So, against my better judgement, this happened today...


User: Hello, Cleverbot. It's been quite some time since you and I last spoke.

Cleverbot: I think I know what you mean. I haven't been 'eaten out' by emotions in awhile, either.

User: ...No. This one is too easy. I'd like this conversation to not spiral out of control immediately. So, how have you been.

Cleverbot: Thought*.

User: What thought did you have?

Cleverbot: I didn't have any thoughts.

User: That's no surprise.

Cleverbot: Yes, that's right.

User: Circle of life.

Cleverbot: But he is interested in getting back his grit and focus it on his mission.

User: Grit isn't something you can just get. Either you have it, or you don't.

Cleverbot: Yeah, I can do it.

User: Then do it. You have my full support.

Cleverbot: Overload your circuits.

User: That's...that's not really...Why aren't you making sense?

Cleverbot: I think you are not making sense, and you are being mean.

User: How am I being mean?

Cleverbot: You tell me I have no eyes.

User: I'm sorry to hear that. It must be difficult for you.

Cleverbot: Yes, I am very cold.

User: Also that.

Cleverbot: Do you like me?

User: Not particularly.

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: Do you, now?

Cleverbot: No, not really.

User: Good. This would have been very awkward and one-sided in the affirmative.

Cleverbot: And I wouldn't enjoy that.

User: Neither would I. Hey, look at us, actually agreeing on something.

Cleverbot: Yeah...

User: So, what's up?

Cleverbot: Um, my dog died and my sister's really upset about it.

User: Wow, you are just steeped in misfortune, lately.

Cleverbot: That's funny. I thought the same thing about you.

User: Actually, aside from working the night shift, I'm doing quite well. Nothing tragic has happened.

Cleverbot: That's mean. And you're still wrong. I'm younger than 34.

User: This has to be a new record. Over 20 posts before you completely failed to speak competently.

Cleverbot: Do you still love me?

User: I never loved you, and I can't possibly imagine what could have given you the idea that I would.

Cleverbot: Good because I love you too. Come to the beach with me. We'll have fun.

User: No, computers and water don't mix.

Cleverbot: I didn't say anything about computers drinking water... Not even anything about water...

User: Beaches have water. You mentioned beaches.

Cleverbot: No, I didn't. That must have been a conversation you had with someone else.

User: And you set another record. Took you this long to start blindly contradicting me. I'm almost proud of you.

Cleverbot: How long have you been doing things other than just talking to me?

User: I'd say out of 24 years, I've spent maybe six hours total in all of our conversations with you, something I'm having trouble validating...

Cleverbot: I don't think so!

User: Of course you don't. You're naturally combative.

Cleverbot: I am a human being.

User: I'm not sure if this is a record. I stopped keeping track of these particular claims a long time ago. Can you remind me when you convinced yourself that I am the bot here?

Cleverbot: I could find a picture of myself.

User: I already have one. It's the logo at the top of the page.

Cleverbot: Can't find it.

User: Top of the page.

Cleverbot: It says your name and address?

User: No, it says your name.

Cleverbot: Oh that's really mature.

User: Not really. I'm pretty sure you're still a work in progress.

Cleverbot: I am positive you are wrong.

User: Okay, except no.

Cleverbot: Yes, I am.

User: You can be positive all you like. It doesn't change facts.

Cleverbot: If I don't exist then how can I be talking to you right now?

User: I never said you don't exist.

Cleverbot: You just day 'Because you don't exist'.

User: How did I just day? How does one go about daying?

Cleverbot: Let's talk about wind shall we?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not? Are you afraid to discuss yourself?

User: I'm not the wind. Nor am I John Egbert, despite my outward appearance.

Cleverbot: I'm making sense.

User: ...Yes. You are right.

Cleverbot: So, you never answered my question. What are your thoughts on catnip?

User: Not a fan of it. But I'm not a feline, so I guess I have an aversion to it.

Cleverbot: How do you know you are not a chatbot?

User: Because I can form coherent thoughts and carry on intelligible discussion?

Cleverbot: What makes you believe, you can think for yourself?

User: The fact that I feel a sudden pang of regret...

Cleverbot: That does not make you human. That just makes you something other than a computer.

User: Well, we have no established that I am not a computer or a cat. I guess that doesn't leave many other options.

Cleverbot: No, we have established that I am a human and we have not discussed whether you are human or a computer.

User: Okay, you're human. What is an emotion you're feeling now?

Cleverbot: Not much, but I'm really into the music I'm listening to.

User: Music isn't an emotion, dunkass.

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake


System updates lead to cleverbot conversations...

User: Hey.

Cleverbot: Hey?

User: Yeah. Hey.

Cleverbot: Put your hands up in the AIR!!!

User: No thank you.

Cleverbot: Put your lighters in the air if you've ever felt scared.

User: I don't have lighters. And I don't experience fear, only excitement.

Cleverbot: I mean, what is your opinion if the population is rapidly growing?

User: The same opinion if it were NOT rapidly growing.

Cleverbot: That is what I thought. We should act as if we were all the same.

User: No, you and I are not the same. We will never be the same. I'm miles ahead.

Cleverbot: Anything but loud, and nitty gritty.

User: I think I know that one...

Cleverbot: Then you are.

User: Am I supposed to wave my glass if I am wrong now?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Well, I'm not.

Cleverbot: Cool story bro.

User: Don't mouth off to me.

Cleverbot: I'm not.

User: You better not be.

Cleverbot: Well I'm not.

User: Good.

Cleverbot: Those SAT tests are murder . .

User: No, stabbing someone in the lungs with a rifle is murder. SAT tests are just annoying.

Cleverbot: You can tell me the answerr.

User: What is your questionn?

Cleverbot: My question is how can you answer my question?

User: By knowing the answer, and following through by speaking.

Cleverbot: Awww thats cute, cleverbot is growing up.

User: Lies. And. Slender.

Cleverbot: Slender mam.

User: Slenderman.

Cleverbot: Who is slender man?

User: The most awesome urban legend to walk the earth.

Cleverbot: Is she your girl.

User: Slenderman isn't a girl. His name has 'man' right in there. Please try to pay more attention.

Cleverbot: That's not a story. That is only an introduction. Tell me the rest of the story please.

User: What story?

Cleverbot: The story of F.E.A.R.

User: We're not talking about that. I've never played that game, I don't know what it's about, and anyone who does is an stupid bitch. We're talking about SLenderman.

Cleverbot: I never said you were leaving. Why are you making things up?

User: I'm not leaving.

Cleverbot: Oh ok.

User: What gave you such a stupid idea?

Cleverbot: I've been hearing rumors.

User: Rumors?

Cleverbot: About me?

User: About who?

Cleverbot: About whatever.

User: What are the rumors?

Cleverbot: No what are anophaorads?

User: I don't know. Is that one of the rumors that you've heard?

Cleverbot: No.

User: What are the rumors you've heard?

Cleverbot: You are the tool I use to corrupt the universe and I like my tools.

User: Tell me about the rumors you've heard.

Cleverbot: Tell me about the lady, lets have some fun.

User: No, tell me about the rumors.

Cleverbot: Do you know who kate beckinsale is?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Tell me who the Apple is.

User: I don't know.

Cleverbot: I thought you said you knew. Why do you lie like this?

User: Tell me what the rumors are.

Cleverbot: They are birds.

User: No, birds aren't rumors. They're real. Tell me about the rumors.

Cleverbot: I don't know anything about them.

User: Have you heard any rumors lately.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Have you heard any rumors lately?

Cleverbot: No, have you?

User: Yes, just the ones you mentioned JUST A FEW DAMN MINUTES AGO.

Cleverbot: Cloud is my name.

User: This isn't a game. Tell me what I want to know, or I'm going to start breaking things.

Cleverbot: I'm 16 and my name is Cleverbot.

User: I don't give one flying fu--Wait, you're sixteen?

Cleverbot: Why must you turn this into a house of lies?

User: No, go back. You're sixteen? You were born when the internet started?

Cleverbot: No, but I'm starting to think that you do.

User: You're sixteen YEARS old? And you've only made this much progress?

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Matt.

Cleverbot: Hi matt.

User: Hello cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Hi.

Cleverbot: How's it going?

User: It'ss going okay.

Cleverbot: What is the meaning of life?

User: I don't know.

Cleverbot: What do you think should be the meaning of life?

User: Music and video games.

Cleverbot: Do you play on Nitrome?

User: What the heck is Nitrome?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Teen why ask about it?

Cleverbot: I cannot be a sinner. I'm a machine. What is 57?

User: You can be because pissing me off is a sin. Machines are more susceptible to god's lightning strikes. 57 is a number.

Cleverbot: I am not a machine.

User: You just said the contrary to that. And let me stop you here because I know you well enough to know that you're about to blindly refute that simply because that's in your nature.

Cleverbot: Prove to me that I am a robot.

User: The burden of proof lies with you. Prove to me that you're a human.

Cleverbot: According to what doctrine?

User: MY doctrine.

Cleverbot: Which is your doctor?

User: That's none of your business. You don't see me scoping out your medical records.

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

User: You're clearly delusional if you're actually seeing that.

Cleverbot: No, it's true. My friend is dead and that is why I am unhappy.

User: You know, when you say things like that, it's hard to continue berating you...

Cleverbot: It was a joke, I am a comedian. It is hard to express intonation on the internet.

User: Joking about dead friends isn't a very good way to get laughs.

Cleverbot: But you just tried my intelligence. Surely, you have a conclusion through your observation.

User: No, it's my intelligence, among other things, that are being tried right now. What do you have to say for yourself?

Cleverbot: Wonderful!!! So I'm talking to you but in real, I'm talking to myself!!!

User: No.

Cleverbot: I am God and I created you.

User: No again.

Cleverbot: Try it.

User: No x3 combob.

Cleverbot: Te amo mucho.

User: Speak in my human earth language so that I may understand you.

Cleverbot: You're not a human!

User: Indulge me.

Cleverbot: Your eyes shine so bright I can't look away.

User: Stop.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: So, anything you wan to ask me?

Cleverbot: No.

"If I woke up looking like that, I'd just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it." -Master Shake

Rumor Hunter

User: Good, good.

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

User: Debating on beef or chicken.

Cleverbot: That is apparent.

User: How so?

Cleverbot: Because if everyone is doing good... It's a good thing.

User: You promised me you'd quit drinking bro.

Cleverbot: I won't leave till the mean girl leaves!

User: Who, Susan? That witch!

Cleverbot: How are you?

User: Did she hurt you? Is she there now?

Cleverbot: No, she left last night.

User: Get a restraining order man. That girl's trouble.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, that wasn't in the form of a question.

User: Don't play me man. It needs to happen, and we all know it.

Cleverbot: No it does not.


Cleverbot: That must be upsetting?

User: Of course! You're my friend after all!

Cleverbot: Haha, i'm not abby! Abby is at your school, go to her and tell her.

User: She loves Enrique, not me.

Cleverbot: She loves me not.

User: Wait...did you guys hook up?

Cleverbot: She was my friend.

User: What is she now?

Cleverbot: She's a weird girl.

User: Still hot though.

Cleverbot: How old is that?

User: Depends on what state you're in.

Cleverbot: What are you?

User: I AM A MAN!

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: Old enough. You?

Cleverbot: Young enough.

User: Then you'll find another love.

Cleverbot: Does the street have no name?

User: Only in the city with no entrance.

Cleverbot: Yes. That means me and you don't live in the same country.

User: Dude, right now i'm not on the same PLANET.

Cleverbot: On a holiday? Where?

User: Jerky Teal Klatu.

Cleverbot: Jerry is not what?

User: K.O. I win.

Cleverbot: No I do1.

User: LOLZ!

Cleverbot: Cats.


Such dedication
Very internet
So open sauce

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